Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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