I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
