god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize