I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
