I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
