OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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