But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
