I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We have so much sex to catch up on
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
