Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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