i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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