Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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