I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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