While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Everything about him screamed your future.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
