i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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