my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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