I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
