I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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