You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
