so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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