you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
