I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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