Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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