Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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