Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
