After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
