We're facebook friends in real life
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
