So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
