At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
