Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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