i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
