Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
