We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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