Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
