our cab driver is having phone sex.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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