he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
