FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
