he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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