I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize