I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
