Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
