I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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