did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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