I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
