I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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