Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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