Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
4 words: hood of his car
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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