She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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