Only a mothe r could love this liver
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
