I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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