Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
