Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
