when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
