Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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