I just made out with a guy for $7.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
