Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Boobs are out for the taking
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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