i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
NoShamevember. You game?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
