Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
