I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
