Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
