I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
