i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
