for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
