you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize