this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
