this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize