is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
