the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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