I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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