my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
