Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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