ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
