You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
