so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
