Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
