At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
