At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
