I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
