I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
