There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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