Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
