THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
