dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
