i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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