Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think i have herpe
just one?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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