so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize