btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
