At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize