some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
