no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
