life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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