Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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