So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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