chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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