I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
