I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
